Today I was reminded of what happened a few months ago. She was in pain and I had to cause her more pain - to get - her out of pain. Oh my poor Olivia! It was gut wrenching to watch as she cried "oh Me Ma it hurts so, so bad." But I knew what I had to do, so I wrapped her up as best I could and clear as day I remember seeing her face with tears flowing down her tiny cheeks as she turned around and ever so humbly sat in my lap on the floor; still whimpering "I understand Me Ma, I understand". My very own children, with out a doubt would of pitched a fit and run away.
What a painful yet beautiful picture God showed me that day! She was so freely willing to submit herself into my hands. Perplexed, I wondered how she could possibly understand this at such a young age; knowing and she definitely knew; the only solution would cause her more pain? I was completely blown away!!
So I shared the story with a very wise friend. I asked how this was possible? He said because she trusted me. It was that simple! I was at a loss for words, completely humbled and taken back for a moment...holy cow he was right! Her freedom in submission was the result of trusting in her Me Ma who has loved her unconditionally her entire life. I had proven to be trustworthy and it enabled her to fully trust even in suffering! Unbelievable!!
So, today God reminded me of that day as I cried out to Him "it hurts Lord, it hurts so, so bad". I, like my Olivia trusted Him and rested firmly in the arms of the One who has loved me unconditionally my entire life. For He has proven to me over and over since I can remember, that I am sanctified and chosen for a purpose. Willing to be a broken empty vessel, ready, available, to be bent and molded at a moments notice. I remembered the Words He has hidden in my heart, I prayed and sang songs of Praise. For once again, He enabled me to get through what seemed impossible. To stand sure-footed, in confidence, with my head held high, on a strong foundation He built before the foundation of the world.
The only solution in the pain was to hold on dearly to the One whom I cherish, trust and love most in this world. For He is truly my refuge and strength, my ever present help in trouble.
I learned the lesson of faith to trust in God's providential plan, especially when I can't understand or rap my brain around it, regardless of circumstances. I declare that even if God should send suffering and loss, I would still rejoice in my Savior-God.
"The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, enables me to go to the high places." Habakkuk 3:19